As a young child, a tiny seed was planted within me. It grew undisturbed, sprouting and flourishing over the years. For three decades, it has seeped into every part of me, growing in peace, unopposed, and constantly nourished. This seed has now grown into a towering figure that stands at my doorstep, a figure over two meters tall, a relentless embodiment of self-loathing named Elias.

Over the years, self-loathing and I have become uncomfortably familiar. We've had thirty years to adapt to each other, to explore every hidden corner of my psyche, to understand all my thoughts, fears, weaknesses, and everything I despise about myself.

Now, I face the daunting task of ridding myself of this version of me. This towering figure that ceaselessly screams hatred at me, sowing seeds of doubt, constantly whispering that I'm not good enough, convincing me that I can't trust anyone, and appearing every time I find a moment of peace.

He, or rather, this part of me, never tires, never pauses, and is always present. Welcome to the landscape of my mind. Welcome to my struggle to drag this entity into the light, to extinguish the self-loathing. This is my attempt to make room for self-affirmation, to allow myself to believe in me. For thirty years, self-loathing has consumed all the space within me. How do I eradicate this internal self-hatred once and for all? In truth, I'm not sure it can ever truly die...